Dear Mommy

Dear Mommy. We miss you. Not just a little bit, but all the way to our core. When the three of us are out doing something there is a big hole where we used to be whole. It seems odd to me, but I don't think you are missing us. I don't think that is possible being surrounded by the Glory of God. I am so happy for you and so sad at the same time.

I don't know if you are looking down upon us and you already know about our day, but I feel like I should tell you anyway.

Like usual, the first night in the trailer was a bit rough going to bed, and the girls were up early this morning. While they were watching some cartoons I started breakfast outside on the electric griddle. We had bacon, bagels and daddy eggs. Sarah wanted jelly on her bagel so Rebekah had to have it too. Sarah only ate one egg but Rebekah ate two and wanted a third; I told her no.

After breakfast we took the garbage out on our way to the mini golf course here at the campground. About the time we got to the second hole I realized that, like a bad daddy, I forgot to put suntan lotion on them or make them wear their hats. I decided to let them play through. Sarah did really well on her own and Rebekah needed some help. After 18 holes I finally got Rebekah to where she would stand right over the ball and hold the club in a somewhat normal fashion. It took a lot of work and a lot of patience but both girls made it through finishing all 18 holes. Rebekah especially was SO happy each time she got the ball in the cup that she would do her little jump up and dance. We got to bring home our golf balls so the girls have a couple more treasures.

We came back to the trailer and put on suntan lotion and grabbed their hats before heading into check out LaConner, the little fishing town close to where we are staying. We drove up and down the tiny little "main street" and found a little teddy bear store which we obviously couldn't pass up. The girls each wanted a Hello Kitty doll that they found that was colored in rainbows. I almost cried right then and there and told them we might be able to come back later. We then drove about 20 miles to Walmart to get a few things that were needed for the trailer.

Being about lunch time we drove back to LaConner and found a nice little seafood resturant out over the water. We ate outside on a deck with boats all around. The girls each shared an adult fish and chips and I had an oyster sandwich. It was all very very good. The girls made friends with EVERYBODY in the resturant as well as waived at every boat that went by. They even had the people at the tables on either side of us all waiving to the boats to try and get the occupants to waive back to us. While there they each had to use the bathroom - twice. Another first for me as I let them go in to the women's restroom by themselves. The first time, when we first got there, I stood right outside the door. The second time, when we were done with our meal, I watched the door vigilantly from our table. It took them a long time and I was starting to get worried by the time they finally came out. Sarah went right to our waitress and said "Excuse me, there is no toilet paper in one of the spots. But don't worry, I got some for my sister from the next spot." I feel like they grew up a little bit doing this on their own.

After eating we walked up and down the little street, going back into the teddy bear store. From the moment the girls saw those Hello Kitty Rainbow dolls I knew they were going to have them. I couldn't hold back the tears as I asked the girls in the store why I thought they were so special. They both equated the rainbows to you and asked right away if they could sleep with them so it would be like sleeping with mommy. I had stopped crying and was doing okay until the lady at the store said "Thank you for coming back. You are a really good daddy." I don't know why she said that, but it made me cry as we walked out.

Back in the campground the girls wanted to go play on the play ground. Rebekah rode her Dora Quad and Sarah "rode" her bicycle with the pedals taken off so she can ride it like a Skoot. You should have seen her mommy, doing so well. After a short while she was even getting to where she could go 5-10 feet with her feet up. And more important, she really liked it and wanted to ride more and more and more. Neither Sarah nor Rebekah could understand why I was crying but Sarah joined me when I told her that I was sad that mommy didn't get to see her ride on two wheels but that you were so proud of her.

They had a lot of fun on the playground too:


It was sand and you know how I feel about sand. But I did okay and literally trudged through it. When we got back we had to clean sand out of everything. We even went down on the rocky beach for a short walk. While down at the beach we found a "whole" crab shell. We talked about how that crab shell was like your body after you died. Just a shell with all the good parts inside gone away.

We came back and had a delicious, although not too nutritious meal of hot dogs on the BBQ and potato chips. They seemed to really like them:


As soon as we were done, Sarah went and "rode" her bike a few more times.

We then came inside and did showers in the trailer. I did okay. No one cried and they are all clean. That is the first time that I have helped them bathe since they were tiny babies. It only took about 20-30 minutes to get both of them through, dressed and ready for bed. They were both in bed by about 7:30. The trailer is full of James and the Giant Peach playing for them to go to sleep too and here I am talking with you.

It's been rough but also good. We've now made it more than 24 hours on our own. Some times it has been rough and I may have been frustrated but I haven't lost my patience yet. We'll make it mommy, we'll make it. We love you.