Routine

Rebekah has always felt comfortable with a routine, it's been a part of her "quirks." Their hospice counselor warned that routine will be important after mommy's loss, and she was right. Now Rebekah and Sarah are both thriving on routine. When their routine changes up there are emotional and behavioral issues that come right along with those changes.

The last couple of days we have had some "outs" of the routine with daddy taking Rebekah to school one morning, the ALS walk, some hiccups in the evening schedule, etc. And sure enough Rebekah's take home note book is marked with her not listening to teachers and even raising her voice to them. Unacceptable and being worked on. But these things go hand in hand.

Obviously we can't always do things exactly the same way and we do have to learn to deal with some changes to routine. But even when there is a change in the routine there needs to be as many constants as possible. It's my job as a daddy to see to that. If that is difficult to accept, so be it.

2 Months Ago

Two months ago you left this earthly life which had taken so much away from you. You left for an eternal pain free life of singing, joy and being in the presence of our Glorious Lord.

You left us here happy, so happy for you. But you also left us here hurting and saddened by your loss. You left us without a mommy and without a wife and it has been hard. We are doing okay, but it has been hard.

I really hadn't thought much about the date until church yesterday when someone asked me how you were doing. I told them you had died just under two months ago and then realized it was almost exactly two months ago. It came up a couple more times throughout the day from different places.

As if to share this anniversary of sorts with me you came to me in a dream last night. We were at Aunt Nancy's house in Ohio. I had come down the stairs, through the kitchen and into the dining room; and there you were sitting at the table. I asked "are you really here?" You told me to come find out. I came to you and you stood up, held me and danced with me right there in the living room. Yes, you really were here, even if just in my dreams.

Moving Forward - What To Do?

Someone told me recently on my Facebook page that I should write a book. I answered that I blog and FB as therapy. Somehow I don't think writing a book would have the same effect. I also have to admit that while I don't blog or FB for the feedback, the feedback is spectacular and many times has kept me going.

Now I am torn about where to go from here. As we move on just the three of us A LOT of new things are coming to play. A new season if you will. I wonder if blogging about the life of a single daddy is an appropriate continuation of Rebekah's Page or whether it should be its own blog. Rebekah's Page has in the past had quite a following; would those same people be interested in following where we go from here or do I need to develop a new following on a new blog? Would anyone follow a new blog? Does anyone care? (Hint - these are not meant to be rhetorical questions. Please give me your thoughts!)

Empty Room Empty Heart

I carried the last item out of Frances' room this morning so that the carpet cleaner can come. As I walked through the doorway with the last box in hand an eerie feeling of emptiness swept over me. I teared up. I carried the box down the hall, set it down in the living room, and went back to the empty room.

As I walked into the empty room it was just that, an empty room. For the first time it wasn't Frances' room anymore, it was just an empty room; much like my heart isn't Frances' anymore, it's just empty. I stood there and bawled.