Visit Rebekah's Page to get updates, read messages and send messages to Rebekah and her family through comments. This is a public "diary" of a family whose little girl started a battle with inoperable cancer in April 2005. In December 2007 our house burned down. And in September 2009 Mommy was diagnosed with a terminal disease (a genetic form of ALS) that took her to Heaven in July, 2011, leaving Daddy and two young girls to make it on their own. Over several years of ups and downs, you will get into our hearts, minds and souls as we share joys and sorrows. It can sometimes be very difficult to read. We hope it is also uplifting. Please find joy in what you read here.

Saturday, August 06, 2011

Apparently I'm Not A Good Mommy

We had a bit of a rough day today.

The morning was great with lots of riding around the campground, playing in the play room, looking at the streams, etc. We had lunch back in the trailer and then things went down hill.

I thought I'd spend just a few minutes seeing if I could get a wiring harness out from under the truck that I wanted to use to wire in some stuff in the bed. Those few minutes turned into two hours. The girls were patient but growing weary.

About the time we should have been starting dinner we decided to try and ride down to the lodge and get in a quick game of mini golf as we hadn't played that here yet and I don't know if we will get another chance. Upon leaving the ranger shack with the clubs a large german sheppard startled Rebekah and she tripped, sliding across the concrete and scraping herself up pretty good. I did my best to love on her and we tried to play a round. We got a few holes into it and Rebekah would not stop with the "I a little mad" and tears. I was still trying to love on her and reassure her as best I could. We even tried to look at the cool blood everywhere - didn't help. We gave up on the golf early.

She cried/sniffled all the way back to the trailer and I sat her down on the picnic table and loved some more. She kept saying she was mad. I asked her if she was mad at the dog, the steps or what? She said "I mad mommy not here." What I had been attributing to her normal mad at a situation was really SAD. And of course in hind sight it makes perfect sense as everybody wants mommy when they are hurting. Rebekah even told me she didn't want me, she wanted a new mommy...

I guess I'll never make a good mommy.

3 Shared:

At Saturday, August 06, 2011 10:46:00 PM, Anonymous Wendy Left a thought...

Unfortunately I can not be a good Daddy either, but our kids know we love them and would change things if we could. Don't beat yourself up, just be the bestest Daddy you can be, because it really is hard enough to be one parent let alone 2. I hate we can't fix this for our kids. Your girls will remember this trip forever.

At Sunday, August 07, 2011 4:07:00 AM, Blogger Valerie Left a thought...

Oh, Scott - it's easier said than done, but please don't take Rebekah's comment personally. I remember after losing my mom, I didn't want my dad to be "a mommy", I just wanted him to be my dad. Of course, I missed having a mom around, and I know I took my anger out on my dad as a result of that situation - but that was because I knew I was "safe" with him and that he would just take my anger and not get angry in return. Keep on loving them, keep on being patient with them, acknowledge their feelings of hurt and anger and sadness (and let them know you are feeling the same way), and talk about Mommy as much as they (and you) need to. You are a great DADDY - which is exactly what you are supposed to be. God bless you and give you strength and wisdom and patience and courage. He is gently cheering you on, as is Frances.

At Sunday, August 07, 2011 10:13:00 PM, Blogger M&M Left a thought...

Scott my friend,

You can be and are the best daddy for Rebekah and Sarah. And although you will never be a mommy, I know who you fills more than a label can describe. You are doing God's work raising those girls. Keep it up.



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