Pure Daddy

This is daddy – pure daddy.  I don’t know if I can put the last hour and half into words.  We have spent the entire weekend working around the house and nothing we have done has drained me like I am drained right now.

Rebekah has been insisting on having a drink with her at all times even though she has not drank in weeks.  When Sarah came running by, Rebekah signed to Sarah that she wanted Sarah to take a drink from her.  We ended up with Sarah in Rebekah’s arms on the couch with Rebekah holding the sippy cup of juice while Sarah drank.  I thought I was in heaven watching these two girls share.  Then I looked at Rebekah’s face and there were tears flowing from her eyes.  I absolutely thought I would loose it.

I asked Sarah if she wanted more and Rebekah whispered in her faint voice, “more”.  When Sarah did not respond Rebekah signed “more”.  When Sarah still did not respond Rebekah picked up Sarah’s hands and moved them into position together, apart and then together again,  helping her make the sign for “more”.    Sarah drank and Rebekah clapped and signed “drink” with tears flowing from her eyes.  

Shortly thereafter mommy took Sarah over to the kitchen table to eat.  Not 30 seconds after they were gone Rebekah said she wanted to eat but what she really wanted was to help Sarah eat.  I asked her if she wanted mommy to come get her and she said no, “da da”.  She let me pick her up and carry her to the kitchen where she sat in my lap next to Sarah in the high chair.  She proceeded to insist that she and daddy together feed Sarah.  Mommy couldn’t do it, only daddy and Rebekah.  She continued helping Sarah sign “more” and also tried to teach her “eat”.  She was very adamant that we understood SHE was doing it.  All the while tears flowed from her eyes.  Finally, after Sarah was done Rebekah washed Sarah’s hands and face and then sat and hugged me tightly.

This was SO special to me because it has been more than a month since I have been allowed to touch her, to pick her up, to even be close to her and here she was holding me tight and crying in my arms.  

There is more to tell but I am hoping you get the idea.  What makes this even more emotional for me is that she is not getting better and seems to have back tracked today.  She slept ALL DAY and until these moments had been either in bed or on the couch with very little interaction with anyone, even mommy.  Her food is staying down at a very slow rate, but she is not well.  The radiation is getting to her again and the burns are starting to appear.  There is a constant trickle of blood out of her mouth or nose.  Her left eye is, well “lazy” and glazed over.  

I don’t know any other way to describe it except that she just doesn’t feel right.  This sudden out pouring of affection has me extremely scared.  I cannot stop crying.  Please pray for us.