Alone. And Becoming More So.
I am alone today. Very very alone. The girls have been off off with Grandmas since last night. It is alone times that are the hardest. Especially when other things make you feel even more alone.
I started cleaning off the kitchen table today. That is actually a much bigger job than it sounds. You see, 1/2 of the kitchen table has been Frances' pharmacy. Cleaning off the table means going through all of her drugs as well as piles and piles of paperwork that have been thrown onto that 1/2 of the table for lack of a better place to keep them.
As I touch each bottle and place it by category to be disposed of correctly, I am touching bottles that slowed the progress of her ALS, bottles that attempted to provide her with some relief from the pain, bottles that made her as comfortable as possible throughout the horrible process of dying. Now, like her, these little bottles, patches, syringes, containers that had been such a big part of our lives, will all be gone.
The more that is gone the emptier the house is. The emptier the house is the emptier I feel. Back to being alone.
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After one year, your Aunt Nancy was very tired of aloneness. So, by mutual consent, we moved in. She still has some alone times since we will never replace Dad. However, she likes our presence very much and feels much less alone. Your girls will lessen the aloneness, but they cannot replace Frances either. Grief is not fun. Thank the Lord that our separations are only for a blip on the eternity timeline.
I am so sorry, Scott. Grief work is even harder when one is alone. Tell yourself you are a great Dad, and that you will all make it together. This is such a hard time. You all continue to be in my prayers, Ann Scott
Hi, Scott,
We have camped next to you in years past at the NAFA campout and have helped with the doughnuts. We missed Frances and your family this year a great deal. This past July, my brother's 39 year old wife, Stacey, had her diagnosis of Progressive Muscular Atrophy changed to ALS. I think of you often as I think about my brother's future. Right now, I think your blog might be too difficult for them, but I am confident that in the future, your blog will be a huge comfort to him and their two sons (adopted), Martay 14 and Robert 13. They are all Christians. Stacey is a awesome woman. We participated in the ALS walk for the first time this year. I was wondering if you would be there...I love your girls and hope we get to see you again some time. I printed out the article about your family from the NAFA newsletter to remind me to pray more often for all of you. God bless and keep you all.
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