A Frustrating Day

Rebekah has been a pill most of the day. It seems to me that she is not feeling well. I'm not sure if it is her stomach or general pain or mouth sores or something else. She has not been listening to mom or dad and has spent quite a bit of time in "time out".

Sarah loves to be down and crawling around. She'll chase after her big sister. Unfortunately, Rebekah isn't always nice to her. She will push her, pull on her and kick her. We are trying to teach her that she needs to be gentle with Sarah, but she doesn't always listen and obey.

Rebekah is fighting her shot and her daily dose of heparin in her central line (to prevent clotting). I can't really blame her. In order to secure her central line, it is well taped up and needs untaped before we can give her the heparin and then re-taped. I wouldn't be thrilled with it either.

It has been a very trying day for me. It has been one of those days where my patience has been tested and tested and tested. I'm not feeling like a very good mom or wife for that matter. It seems as though many things have not worked out as I had hoped. I've found myself in tears many times throughout the day, just full of diappointment, frustration, inadequacy, fear, anger and isolation.

After putting Rebekah to bed, I had to get out of the house. So Sarah and I went to the grocery store. The only things that Rebekah has wanted to eat over the last couple of days were Cinnamon Life cereal (mostly with milk - which is new for her) and pretzels. We ran out of the cereal today and are nearly out of the pretzels, so those were a couple of things that I wanted to get. With Rebekah's counts dropping, and any infection being a real concern, I didn't want to take her out to the store (where germs abound) and chance it.

Here it is after midnight and Sarah just doesn't want to go to sleep. She won't eat or drink and won't quiet down in my arms, so for now she is crying in her crib. Every few minutes, I go in and check on her and see if I can get her calmed down to go to sleep, but so far no luck. So much for my getting to bed early tonight.

Rebekah is now sleeping in the big girl bed without bed rails. Just before going into the hospital this last time she got into the desitin and spread it all over everything in her room including the rails. I had to take them off and apart in order to get them cleaned and we thought it might be time for them to come down. She has done well with them being gone. This is just one more step towards growing up.