Sunday Morning - A Little Bit From Daddy

Afraid to be optomistic and this point but having reason to do so.

Daddy spent the night out in the van on a partially inflated air mattress and Grandma M stayed up all night sitting in a chair next to mommy. Over night she did not have ANY pain medicine and stayed on a different bi-pap machine that is essentially a ventillator but connected to a mask and not to a tube in her neck. They have been able to decrease the supplemental oxygen and her breathing is still shallow but has slowed down closer to a normal rate. This is all very good.

They came in this morning and took another x-ray of her chest in order to see if it is possible that the positive pressure of the breathing machine may have pushed some of the fluid out of the space between the lungs and the lung walls. We are still waiting on the results of the x-rays and whether or not they are going to do another blood gas level to see where her CO2 levels are. That is going to be the pivotal point to know whether we are getting better or not.

I, daddy, have been posting most of my personal feelings/observations over on facebook but will touch on them a little here. I need more of me (and yes, I realize that is scary to those of you that know me.) I need to be with my little girls who have great grandmas taking care of them but its not the same without mommy and daddy with them. I need another one of me to be taking care of mommy; in fact I think I need two of me here for that as 24/7 is a lot. And then I need another of me to take care of my clients. I have a lot of working backing up from the end of last week and most of it is the kind of work that I cannot just ask someone else to do. And I supposed I finally need another one of me who could just go for a walk, a ride or ??? to try and clear my head. I am severely torn over which one of me to be at any given moment.

Many have asked about helping and I honestly don't know what to say or what to ask. Company can be comforting or intrusive depending on the particular moment. Good friend Shawn brought me a hot breakfast yesterday and I am still crying with joys of thanks as to how wonderful that was - it was so little but SO BIG! I am very much beginning to dislike even going into the cafeteria here. Everything is happening moment by moment so I can't plan anything from any of you yet at any moment there are so many little things that could be helpful and I just can't figure out how to coordinate it all together.

We definitely are not leaving today and, as I said somewhere a few days ago, tomorrow ain't lookin great either. I don't know how long we are going to be here but I could really use some of you who are personally close with Frances to come relieve me and Grandma so I can either get some sleep and/or some work done.

I guess most of all I need some clarity.