An Open Mic.
Not too many people have the opportunity to plan their own memorial service. And even fewer actually do so.
Frances and I are talking about her memorial service. I have asked her to plan it. This is odd but it will be very comforting to know that it was exactly what she wanted. At this point all we know (or think we know) is that we believe it will be at the church and with the pastor where (and by whom) we got married 20 years ago, Laurel Community Church outside Hillsboro, Oregon. We believe it will be August 27th 2011 at 10:00am. All are invited.
What I do know is that we will have a time for sharing. BUT - please don't wait until then to tell others what Frances means to you. Right now you have a very rare opportunity to share what Frances means to you WITH FRANCES. So many times I think, while listening at a memorial service, "I wonder did these people ever tell the deceased these things?" Now is your chance. PLEASE tell Frances what she means to you while she can still appreciate it.
The mic is open:
Share a thought or prayer: 31 Comments
31 Shared:
Frances, I've never met you, nor Scott. I just know that your husband has given of himself to many many other people, and he's an awesome guy. I do know, through him, that you are kind, caring, full of love and an incredible outlook. I know through Scott that you are an amazing wife, and an awesome mother. I wish I lived closer so I could meet y'all. I know that you will be with the Lord, and watching over your family. He will take care of them.
Dearest Frances,
You are a wonderful woman! An awesome mom! Great Wife! You have been handed more than anyone I know and have handled it all with a Grace that I have never seen before.
I am sad to be saying goodbye, but I know I will see you in Heaven, whole and restored! I'm sad that we never went on the camping trip we talked about all those years ago!
Thank you for the lessons that you have taught me! You have taught me how to serve, laugh, smile, and the hardest of all for me at least is Listen...
I will miss you much while your gone! But will rejoice in that you are Happy and Whole with Jesus!
We will help take care of your family while you are gone, it's not a replacement of you, but I hope that it's a comfort to know.
I Love You Frances and I will miss you! Give Jesus a hug and kiss for me!
Blessings and Love,
Tracey
Dear Frances,
I've only seen you and Scott at support group. I don't know you well yet I've been where you find yourself now. I watched my brother lose his life to ALS and every one of the last minutes of his life is forever etched in my heart. I won't speak to the decision you have made or what you are going through now because it is an individual and unique journey. What I can say is this...don't worry that you will be forgotten! You WILL be missed, you WILL be mourned. You will be with Jesus experiencing true life, and while your family and friends will be thrilled for you, they will still grieve deeply for your absence. There truly is a place in our hearts that loved ones fill. Nobody takes that place. We do go on with our lives but it doesn't minimize what that special person meant to us. Always memories. Always love. I hope I haven't said too much Frances...I just know that after 4 months I miss my brother as if I lost him yesterday. Love to you and your whole family. Barb
I am sad that just as I am getting to know you better. It is time for you to go. I have enjoyed having dinner with you playing cards with you, and the Ham Radio events as well. Your blogs with Rebekah and you have been precious insights and gave me a feeling of being part of your family.
Thank you for sharing your life, your family and your relationship with Jesus. Thank you Scott too!
Love,
Teresa Mathia
Dear Frances - you are truly an inspiration to me for all that you have gone through with your dad, then Rebekah, and now you. You have kept a smile on your face and showed how much you care for others along the way. My best memories of you are when you were a little girl living in SE Portland - I remember visiting your folks at that house before you moved to Aloha, and seeing you run around and playing with Charlie & Jason, Heather & Jimmie. Your family always welcomed me to spend Christmas or Thanksgiving with you, and I so enjoyed those times. Then when you and Scott got married you asked me to make your wedding dress. I was so priviledged to do so - and I think I may even have some of that material left in my "stash". Maybe Rebekah or Sarah can make use of it some day.
I remember the last time I saw you when you were still feeling well - at the parking lot at Fred Meyer. It was a nice, warm summer day and you had both girls with you and you were buying flowers for your garden.
I will miss you, but I know that we will be reunited in our Lord's presence - what a glorious day that will be.
Sending you a special hug today - please share it with my mom & dad when you get there.
Love - "Aunt" Annie
Frances-
I have never met you or your family personally. I met Scott on the KTOG site a few years ago, and I have been privileged to join with you and your family on this journey. I know what a wonderful wife and mother you have been, and what you have all endured the past few years. You and your family are an example for all to follow -- your positive, faithful, and Christlike attitude is a true inspiration. You have all become like family to us, linked by the trials of life and prayers to our Father above. Thank you for allowing us the opportunity to share your burdens -- burdens that will soon be swallowed up in victory.
Frances,
You have such an amazing soul, and I know your girls carry so much of you in them. They are strong, loving, and just flat out wonderful girls....just like their mommy. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, I will see you on the otherside someday when it comes my time to walk with Jesus.
Lots of Love
Laura Reisinger
Dear Frances,
One of my dearest friends lost the ability to speak due to a progressive neuromuscular condition which afflicted her from age 19 until her death at 54 a year ago. She and I had bonded because of our facility with words, drama, theatre, and she was an accomplished actress and musician, and then even in her wheelchair and her time in and out of nursing home she was an inspiration to young and old. She never married nor had children. She lived a full life, on a path most would not choose. We do not know what path God will choose for us, but we know we have choices to walk that path with grace, with dignity, and with gratitude and love for others. Each of us is here for a brief blink of time.
What you have is the gift of awareness how brief is that time, and by your words and love you are easing the path which your daughters will walk. In doing this hard work which has been your unexpected life path, you have motivated Scott and your girls greatly, and motivation is a gift which is worth so much more than anything else. Is the future any happier without you here? No, it is grimly sadder. But your loved ones are left with deeper capacity for happiness and enrichment and enjoyment of life, all things are in balance, on Earth as it is in Heaven. Scott would have been a very boring guy without having gone through this soul challenge. Scott, when you "played" with your beloved wife in soul energy the other day, that is and always will be available to you, and also is and will be available to Frances because consciousness takes many forms. Be well, be aware, be present, and trust God in all purposes, ways, and things. We do not ever know why; we do know we accept what we cannot change. I enjoyed meeting your daughters very much, they are so sweet. I wanted to meet you, and I'm glad to say hi through the internet! Kathleen O'Brien
Hi Frances,
Like others on here, I only know you through the blogs and forums I was on with Scott. But as I have read, I will so miss not being able to meet you here because we have so many things in common. I learned today, that you guys have an interest in ham radio (I am K4AR), I am a biker also (Vulcan 800), love shooting guns, gardening, and getting to know friends. Most importantly, you and I share a common and very close friend, Jesus of Nazareth. Here lately, our discussions have often been about you, and your family, and honestly, I am amazed by the strength, courage, grace, and mercy (yeah, that too) that he gives and shows you guys. I have a lot of problems myself, but when I think about you & your family, and read your words, all these things just sort of fade away, and I , well, I celebrate. Not for your loss, or the sorrows of your illness or departure, but for the gain that is nigh upon you, for the life you have led, and the victory that you have achieved. I don’t get it all, why you were chosen, but when I read your words, I instantly remembered Philippians 1:12 and Paul’s words “And I want you to know, my dear brothers and sisters, that everything that has happened to me here has helped to spread the Gospel”. You too, dear Sister Frances. Tell my Friend “hello” for me, and someday, we will meet on the other side.
Bert
Frances,
We met when our children were babies. We watched our husbands play "waterball" and jump out of bed to respond to calls. We had barbeques together. We talked like mommys talk. I had the pleasure of watching Rebekah for you. I had the pleasure of working with Scott. Your family has been a quiet part of my life for more than ten years. I always felt that you were there as a steady friend. Your calm and strength inspire me. Your words teach me. You will be missed.
Robyn
Frances,
What an pportunity you have been given to make your plans and have it done your way. Guy and I did the same thing for him and I want to tell you that there was no stress of planning on my part, it was done, we just had to do it (which was the hard part). But those that wanted and needed to say their goodbyes did.
You are an amazing daughter of our Heavenly Father, what an example of strength and courage you are for your daughters, they will always know you love them. Because of you they will be stronger women and although young now they will have all the posts here and letters people have sent you to know what you meant to people you didn't even know.
I have a feeling Scott is a better man for having you in his life. I can only imagine the weakness he feels, for not being able to fix this for you and your family, please tell him not to beat himself up, because this is just something we as loving spouses can't fix.
The mark you have left here, will never be forgotten, your name will pass over many lips every day by someone and not just your family, those of us that never knew you and those that know you well.
May Heavenly Father's tender mercies be upon you and your family.
Wendy
Frances,
I've never met you but met Scott through KTOG and in person at one of the meets a few years ago. I've been following the blog for your family the last few years and just from what I've read and heard from Scott, you are an amazing, caring, selfless woman. God has given you so much grace to handle everything you are going through. You have been a blessing to your family and what an awesome family you have. I'm praying for your comfort and praying for God to keep your family safe and sound.
Kat Walker
Hi Frances,
So I don't know you really well, just pretty much observed your life from afar, but I've been impressed by what I've beheld. You and Scott have been through so much together--are going through so much together--and I see a woman who is strong and brave and who holds on to her Savior through it all. I see a mom who's fierce (as a protector), gentle and wise. I see a daughter of God who has a child like faith because that's exactly what it would take to get through all that you've gone through. I see someone who is full of grace and dignity doing the tough things that need done, and who will leave a legacy that many just dream of doing. Your earthly body may fail but your soul will prevail because of your Saviour. I will keep your family always in my prayers. I'm glad to have met you. Bless you.
Kelli Whisenhunt
Frances,
We have known you for several years now. You have shown so much courage in everything that your family has had to endure. WE will always remember the fun times we had at family camp. You have an incredible husband who loves you with all he has. Your girls are wonderful too.
God Bless you as you travel to the heavenly gates.
Love the Hendersons
Frances - I've only met you once in "real" life, but I've enjoyed getting to know you over the past few years here on the internet. I've been amazed by your gentle spirit, courage, and passion and love for your family and your God. You have touched my life in ways that you don't even know - and I will remember you and your little family in my prayers everyday. Scott, as you know, is an amazing man who will miss you like crazy, but I am sure God will see him through. Your daughters are your legacy - and they will remember and know you as a wonderful loving woman and momma. Sweet fRances, Jesus awaits you - and so while you shall be missed here on earth, your arrival in heaven shall be a joyful event. Love, Val
I do not know you in real life, only through this blog, but no matter what you went through you always kept the faith, and it gave me hope that things would be okay for me too. Thank you. Goodbye.
Frances....where to begin?....As I have followed the lives of your family over these past years, through your blog and through news from Lori and Ken, I have been blessed to have the honor to pray for you. From the very beginning of the trials through which you've walked, with Rebekah's cancer diagnosis...the house fire...and now this horrific disease which has wracked your body...I have been amazed through the years at the steadfast faith which you have exhibited. Your unwavering love for the Lord has never ceased. You have remained true to Him and trusted Him all along the way, even though you may not understand the "why"...you trust His hand. My faith, and that of my family has grown because of yours. I am convinced that when you get to heaven, it will be revealed to you just how many lives you have impacted as you've been willing and open with your story over the years. I think you will be blown away and that your crown which you will lay at Jesus' feet will be so heavy with jewels that you will need help to lift it! I wish I had adequate words to tell you just how amazing I think you are. And I too, am a little envious and I can only imagine the joy that awaits you in heaven. Know that I will continue to faithfully pray for Scott, Rebekah and Sarah as they continue their journey without you. The Lord will be faithful to embrace them with peace and love and to fill the hole in their hearts that losing you will cause. Olivia has been asking everyone she meets to pray for you...just returned from a week of church camp today where the counselor told me that she had asked her friends to pray for you and told them all that Jesus must be finishing up your house and that it would soon be done and you will be going to live there and dance with Jesus. She asked her friends to pray that God would be with Scott and Sarah and especially Rebekah because she believes that Rebekah will miss you the most. So, Frances, you have not only reached out to me...but to our daughter as well, as she has learned to be quite the prayer warrior where you and your family are concerned! I am grateful for the place you have played in our lives and am so very sad that this is the path which has been chosen for you. I've asked God at least a thousand times, "why?" ...I keep on trusting...knowing that He will be faithful to work all things for good - in some way. Thank you for your undying devotion to the Lord. You are an inspiration. And I have been blessed to know you. Until we meet on that shore... Love, Deb
I don't even know where to begin Frances. I am so very sorry for all that your family has gone though. It just doesn't seem fair that you have all gone through so much. You are an amazingly brave person, and so very strong. I have never seen the amount of strength in someone as much as I have witnessed in you. I remember being at the Fire Department Christmas party and getting the text from Scott that Rebekah had been born. There were cheers all around and Mike and I were so excited for you both. I remember you and Rebekah coming to Emma's birthday party at Red Robin and how much Rebekah and Emma were enchanted by "Red Robin" singing. I remember you patiently trying to teach me how to knit. You were so kind and so patient with me. It wasn't easy teaching a lefty new tricks! You have definitely touched my life and I will always remember the positive influences you had on my life. I pray for peace for you, Frances, peace for you and your girls and Scott.
Love,
Tara Shannon
We have never met, but I feel like I know you! Scott was our adoption attorney, and I have been following your blog since 2005.
I have followed you through many valleys and many victories. I want to thank you for being honest and open through your journey. You challenge me to be a better mom, wife, and Christian. You remind me of what really matters.
Your post on July 10th, especially, was personally challenging. It was amazing and beautiful. It left me thinking, if I were in this situation, is this how I would respond? Would I take the time and energy to tell others one last time about Jesus?
"You have fought the good fight, you have finished the race, you have kept the faith." (2Tim4:7) And for this, I want to say THANK YOU. Thank you for sharing your life with me. Thank you for keeping the faith. I know that I am just one of many lives that have been touched by you.
Frances and Scott,
I had no idea that you all were going through so much until a high school classmate of ours posted something on Facebook.
I remember when you all started dating in high school. Your family is beautiful, and definitely something you both should be proud of.
Reading through some of your blog, I can't even imagine the depth of the trials and difficulties you all have gone through and still been able to hold tight to your faith--in God, and in each other. It is truly a testament to your love and faith, and I am probably not alone in feeling humbled before it.
Although perhaps your earthly time is drawing to a close, I wish you all peace and joy in the moments to come. Your grace and dignity throughout this is inspiring, and will be remembered by your family and friends.
You are all in my prayers, and I will light a candle for you all in church in the hopes that the light will lead you home.
Love to you all,
Lisa Pino Ebert
Frances, we have so many memories of you. All the times we met for late Sat.night outings.When we went to the showing of the ShaNaNa TV show--none of us were impressed but it was fun to be part of it. Your irrepressible dry, ironic humor (you saw a large lady complaining in a store about not finding clothes in a plum color.You mused did she really want to look like a large plum. I really miss you guys on public service events! Your motorcycle trailer station is legendary around here!
We treasure the time we spent with you in Oregon.I am still using the silverware you shipped to us.Thank you for having us.
We so enjoyed seeing you here.You have 2 girls to be so proud of. Rebekah was so comfortable with 2 people she didn't know. I know you prepared her to meet us but there is a grace in her to respond to others. She stole our hearts.We were taken with how much Sarah reminds us of you.
I firmly believe in Scott's dreams-that-aren't-dreams.He can trust in their reality.
All your readers have learned & grown from reading of your faith & love of God.I believe your transition will be beautiful & the release exquisite & accompanied by your father & the Angels. Your connection with your family will not change.
You have a life well lived.
Well done, Frances.
You continue in our thought & prayers.
Love, Ted & Gay
Dear Frances,
Found your blog through blog hopping from a post about loss on the Gypsy Mama blog to the Chuppies which led me here. I have known your story just minutes and tears are streaming as I write this. I read a copy of your post at the Chuppies and may I say how brave and full of grace and hope your words are. The greatest witness is when we choose to glorify God through the storm. You will soon live with the Lord, but your legacy and words will live on this earth. I hope I have one tenth the grace and bravery and courage you have at the end of your days. Your family will always be prayed for by me.
May the Lord bless you and keep you,
May His face shine upon you,
And may he give you peace.
Au Revoir and someday we will meet on that beautiful shore.
Tess
Dear Frances,
I only met you after you could no longer speak or move, but your grace given your situation and your beautiful children and devoted husband, mother, cousin, etc. speaks volumes about you and your spirit!
Vannessah
Frances,
I have so many memories of you, but my most special ones are of our childhood. I remember when you were in High School you had that purple VW bug and you drove me around town in it. I thought I was SO cool riding with you, especially since the car was a "stick".
I have wonderful memories of us playing in the backyard pool for hours and only coming in when dinner was ready or we had to go somewhere with our parents.
Do you remember when your mom would wake us all up, we would grab our sleeping bags and lie in the back yard watching the meteor showers? We used to point out the falling stars to each other and I know I made wishes on those stars.
Of course who can forget the MANY times we played "family" as kids. You and Jason were always married, Charlie and I were always married and Jimmie was the baby between us all. So funny to think back on all of that now.
Being a part of your wedding and then continuing to be a part of your life after we grew up, that is amazing.
I am so thankful that not only do I have wonderful memories of you, but that my children know who you are as well because we have made the time to still get together as a family. I know that our children will have the same types of memories together with each other as I have with you and that just makes me happy! Know that I love you and will see you soon in Heaven!
Frances,
I know from personal experience that sometimes it's hard to share your husband with everyone else who needs him to be there for them at unpredictable (and sometimes inconvenient) times. Thank you for sharing him with our family and so many others who have been able to build our families through adoption with his help and guidance.
Thank you also for sharing the story of your trials and triumphs through this blog. The time and effort you have spent chronicling your family's journey have been an overwhelming inspiration and encouragement to so many people. God brings your family to my mind so often, as He has for the last six years. Every time He brings you to mind, and every time I read this blog I am reminded to hold my babies a little bit tighter, kiss my husband a little bit longer, and enjoy every moment I can while I have the chance. Life is so short.
I wish your life didn't have to be so short. I wish your family didn't have to endure so many trials and hardships. I wish something, anything, could be done to change the inevitable outcome you are facing.
Yet I rejoice along with you that God is God, and I am not. While I do not understand the depth of your momentary sufferings, I know without a doubt that God is good, and His will is perfect... even when I can't understand why it is that He's allowing such pain and suffering into your life.
I do know this--I will see you again. Whole, healthy, vibrant and carefree, wrapped in the unmistakable love and glory of our Savior. I'll see you again soon. This is not good-bye, it's good-bye for now.
Robyn
p.s. When you get to Heaven, will you ask God if he'd consider getting wi-fi up there, or even just a landline phone? Walkie-talkies? A p.o. box even? It sure would make it easier when good-byes like these have to take place. You know... if you happen to think about it, can you mention my request?
Dear Frances,
Thank you for inviting us into your home without knowing us. Letting us spend time with your family and getting to know you. Watching your family and learning your story I have a greater appreciation for my family. You're right, live every day to it's fullest. It's not been an easy path for me but when I look at my worries I remember you. You give me strength to carry on no matter the situation. Soon, my grandparents and dogs will have another family member joining them. We are sisters in Christ and I'll see you on the other side. Your memories will be carried throughout life as new ones will be created. Sorry for this coming so late, it's hard letting someone go that you barely know or in any case love. Your family does and will have great support. I was once told to mourn but more importantly celebrate life.
Scott and Frances,
You have been an amazing example to me over the years. I remember you in the youth group, Scott, as I was wishing to someday be as cool as you and the big kids. And Frances, I remember watching you and Scott as you were dating and then married, feeling that you have a beautiful relationship.
I remember your generous gift when I was in college allowing me to go to Thailand on a mission trip. I remember being so surprised, but I have come to understand that this is what you are - strong and generous and faithful. What an impression you made on me, and how I learned so much more about the world and about life and about God on that trip.
It has been an amazing journey watching through your blog and Facebook page as your children have grown and all the challenges God brought you through with Rebekah's cancer, your house burning down and more, but you have all come through the fire with shining colors.
And now you are looking at the finishing line on Earth and the starting line in Heaven on another journey. God who has been faithful for your whole lives will be faithful as you finish well here on earth and go to be with Him in heaven. What a homecoming it will be there and a great celebration as you cross the starting line into heaven. I am reminded of Joshua 3 as the Israelites crossed into the Promised Land and all of the good things God had for them in store there.
Scott, we will keep you and your daughters in our prayers. May you find many beautiful stones of remembrance during this time as the Israelites did in Joshua 4 reminding you of how God is faithful and is loving on you through everything. We love you all!
Cindy (Moore) Knight and family
Frances,
We met at a time of trial, Rebekah’s diagnosis, and I remember her birthday party a couple years later. But when I think of you, I always think about the 4th of July, your birthday. Your wisdom in your recent posts is exceeded only by your love for your Scott, your Rebekah, and your Sarah. I have a lump in my throat when I think of the tenderness you show as you walk the final journey into our Lord’s arms.
You have been gracious always to me and my family, especially when it came to Scott and I playing with our toys. Thank you for being my friend. I shall miss you. Picking on Scott won’t be as much fun without your wry humor.
You are a perfect wife for Scott. In the six years I have known him, he has always expressed his unending love for you, the fun he has with you, and the completion of himself through union with you. I don’t know of another couple from high school that expresses their love for each other as visibly as you two do.
You are the best mother for Rebekah and Sarah. They are goods kids, loving, sharing, and well-behaved. Through the example from you and Scott, Rebekah and Sarah overcome hardship and lean upon the Lord. You give them more opportunities and fun than most moms contemplate. You bless them with a loving, solid home--something many of today’s children never see.
You must have been a good daughter too. I’ve never heard anything from Betty that wasn’t loving or complimentary.
You are a good sister in Christ. Your advice here and your view of Heaven reveal that. Our Lord awaits you. As my eyes fill with tears, I say “God be with ye” as you walk into Heaven.
Thank you, Frances.
Mark
P.S. Look for my mom Celia. She’ll be dancing, having been given her new body. Tell her I said “hi” and that I miss talking to her.
Dear Frances,
I am incredibly sad that it is time to say good bye. I am grateful to have met you. I pray one of my favorite verses over you,
Isaiah 43:2
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
I always appreciated your help with Scott's adoption practice and even in delivering Christmas goodies to CFA. You always had a great attitude and helpful, kind spirit. You will be greatly missed but never forgotten. I pray blessings over you and your family. I pray that the Lord will hold you close to Him the next few weeks until you are safely home.
Much love, Rebecca Tuazon
Frances,
There is so much to say and I don't even know where to start. I'll keep it short and simple by just saying thank you...
Thank you for sharing of yourself through your entire journey we call life. Thank you for being the example of joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control..and love. You have lived out these things and so much more.
I remember meeting your dear family at the Candlelighters Family Camp 5 years ago and am thankful our paths crossed. My strongest memory is when I attended the Sunday service they offered and I was so happy to see you there (we had spoken that weekend a lot and I had enjoyed your doughnuts!) and have it confirmed that you and your family are believers!!! I knew it but it was so special to worship together!!
God is holding you in the Palm of His Hand and I trust, know and believe with all my heart that your homecoming will be a Glorious One...
Peace be with you, Scott, Rebekah and Sarah as you love on each other with earthly arms...soon you will do that with heavenly ones...
Again...Thank you, Frances. My life is forever changed because I know you.
With love, gratitude, prayers and tears,
Elaine Spidal
Frances-
I have met Frances. Years ago now when you lived on the East Coast.
You are a shining example of outstanding service and courage. You have done so much for your wonderful daughters. You have been such a support to Scott when you could be.
You have done so much "keeping going" under exceedingly trying circumstances. You have been a shining example in so many ways.
My prayers go out to you, and to Scott and your daughters.
It will be great to see you on the other side. Peace be with you until that happens.
Brian Curry (PA)
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