Getting Worse

We had kind of hoped things were getting better.  Unfortunately they are not.  We had a very difficult night with mommy getting almost no sleep.  And today has been just as bad.  

Rebekah is not talking at all and has regressed quite a bit.  For a 3 ½ year old that was operating at an 18 month old level (or thereabouts) regression is pretty sad to see.  She only grunts and points at things now and cries most of the time unless mommy is holding her.  There are a few periods each day where she might be calm for 20-30 minutes at a time but they are far between. We are totally at a loss for why and will talk with the doctors more during our clinic tomorrow.  She seems to be able to speak, just won’t.  Even having Sarah around is seeming to be more of a bother to her than a treat.  

Today we had to get on Sarah for hitting Rebekah although we think Sarah was trying to be nice.  It is interesting how in many ways (dexterity with toys for an example) Sarah (at exactly one year old) seems to have surpassed Rebekah.  They are playing with the same toys but Sarah is showing Rebekah how to put things together.

The only help we (mommy) have had this week was friend Fran yesterday for a couple of hours.  Fran brings food and plays with the girls.  Fran brings REALLY good food.  In fact the Ham, Scalloped Potatoes and Broccoli last night could only be topped with the Pork Loins, Mashed Potatoes and Garlic Green Beans tonight.   In two days I have gained back 6-7 pounds of what I had lost.  Ugh.

Things are wearing on us, especially on mommy.  She needs a break and we just don’t know how to give it to her.  Pray for Rebekah to feel better and for mommy to get some rest.  Also pray for our insurance situation as our current insurance runs out on Friday.  There will be more about this in future postings.

In trying to find the flicker of joy in each day, there was a really good moment for me today.  At lunch I went into the house and sat next to Rebekah, at her request.  She just looked at me with a tear coming out of her left eye.  That tear is pretty much a constant thing that we believe is related to the radiation burns but really makes you feel like it is a peek into her soul and her feelings.  I told her over and over again I loved her but could not get her to respond.  When I told her “daddy is sad that you won’t tell him you love him” she leaned over and put her head into my chest and cried with both eyes.  Yes, it was touching.